Sim Theme Park

Overall: C
Violence: A
Sexual Content: A
Language: A
Drugs/Alcohol: A

Platform reviewed: Playstation
Publisher: Electronic Arts
ESRB rating: E

Have you ever had the opportunity to take your family to an amusement park? Isn't it an exciting way to spend your entire savings account? Standing in the roller coaster line for an hour-and-a-half -- in the scorching heat -- is just the thing to get family members to bond. And what else could match the thrill of Johnny throwing up $20 worth of hamburgers, corn dogs, and candy floss on the occupants of the car behind you?

If you've ever wondered why people keep coming back for more, you may want to explore Sim Theme Park, a game where you are in control of your own Coney Island. At the very least, engaging in this version of amusement may allow you to satisfy your vengeful instincts. Make those little computer characters wait in long line-ups or have to walk to the one bathroom that serves the entire park with a janitor who only shows up twice a year.

Or you may use the simulation to experience the thrill of running an exciting business. You begin the game with a wide-open field and $50,000. At this point, I'd be tempted take the money and sell the real estate, but if you're daring, you can pick from a limited selection of rides, shops, and services to sprinkle over your empty acres. Then you open the gates and watch the masses arrive.

With the dollars ticking upward, and the guest population growing, a pesky little creature (who looks much like a talking bowling ball) constantly reminds you of all the things your park requires. The problem is his statements often contradict themselves. First he tells me my virtual guests are thirsty and don't like the food, and then a moment later I'm being praised for having such happy guests. (Maybe those first remarks came from parents...)

Next Mr. Bowling Ball reminds me to make sure my research department is working on finding creative new rides and attractions. After months of investigation (fortunately sim-time flies as fast as sim-money), my research genius came up with an incredible addition -- a hamburger stand. (Am I paying him too much?)

If parents are expecting their children to have an educational experience, there are some good reasons not to use this game. It is hard to get a grasp on the value of money when you can purchase some rides for just under a thousand dollars, but a garbage can prices out at one hundred dollars. Nor are children likely to appreciate the mathematical skill required to build functioning roller coasters when all of the rides portrayed here are improbable in design, and the coasters seem to operate without regard to gravity.

There are also problems for those who are only seeking entertainment. After Mr. Bowling Ball suggested that I should raise the admission price, I looked everywhere for the setting. I even read the instruction manual! Finally out of desperation I called the help line at Activision for direction. When Mr. Bowling Ball began nagging again -- "Train your employees and they'll be more efficient!" I couldn't figure out how to raise wages, train people, or even fire them. But one phone call was my limit.

While I applaud Activision for bringing a totally tame program to the PlayStation, the inadequate controls and illogical consequences of this poorly designed game will likely leave older players disinterested and younger ones frustrated.

Finally after three increases, I jacked the gate price to $151 and then left The Ball in charge while I wrote this review. When I checked it (three sim-years of total neglect later), people were finally starting to complain about the prices along with dirty washrooms, bad food, crime, and broken down rides. With my staff threatening strike action, little sims were still flocking to the gate, and I was making money like crazy.

Rod Gustafson

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